Seems to me there is some tension between "repair" and "as real as possible". I mean, at this moment, you are a real person, not an imaginary person. On the other hand, imaginary person is... well, at this moment it is the person you imagine yourself to be after the repair. Make a list of traits that you know to have. That is real. Whether it fits some predefined category, that's a completely different question. By the way each category has some range, not just one narrow specific model; and especially not just one "strawperson" model (a hysterical anorectic blonde woman in pink, or a silent frowning man with gigantic muscles). So if you have a trait or two outside of what you think is typical for the category, I would guess most members of the category are also like that. I also propose a hypothesis that intelligent people have it more complicated by the fact that intelligence makes them different from an average person, and consequently also from an average person of their gender. If stupid women spend 24 hours a day discussing shopping, gossip and boyfriends, a smart woman seems "manly" compared with them, just because she does not care about those topics that much. Similarly, if stupid men spend 24 hours a day discussing beer, football and women, a smart man seems "girly" compared with them, just because he does not care about those topics that much. Even if they care somewhat about those topics, just because they don't want to discuss the topic 24 hours a day, makes them comparatively uninterested.

I have I have! flies over and says something to Eliezer [...] Absolutely not! It just means Eliezer is working from a biased sample and therefore his perceptions should not be taken as scientific fact. I am sorry you're having such problems, Liza. I kind of relate because I didn't even believe in gender for a long time. Then I realized that there were a few things about me that I had never accepted and couldn't seem to change: 1. I live to make other people happy. This is a very feminine trait - probably related to maternal instincts. 2. I have never been as aggressive as I want to be. I force myself to be aggressive when life demands it, and I'm very proud of this -- but the fact that I have to force myself and that I feel proud of it are signs that I'm not naturally aggressive. Men often have a natural aggression that ... actually allows them to have fun while being aggressive. I don't get that, and I want to, but I don't. I hope you have encountered alternative gender labels like "genderqueer". You do not need to choose between male and female! There are even more options. You can also be N/A, gender apathetic, not believe in gender, or make up a new gender term and define your gender for yourself. Not saying everyplace will always have a drop down for that, but there's no reason you can't do something other than pick "male" or "female". There's a TED talk on gender (I forgot the exact ted.com URL but it shouldn't be too hard to find with the search) that explains that human bodies can have soooo many variations when it comes to gender that there are hundreds of combinations and sometimes people can have both male and female parts and not realize it because they are internal. The video makes a pretty good case that our binary gender concept is a false dichotomy. If I was you, I'd feel comforted to know that there are some who are attracted to people regardless of their gender. I am one of them. And I don't just mean that there are bi people who date th