I kind of want to be able to do it the standard way so I can fulfill an irrational urge to "feel like a real Buddhist", which I think would motivate me.

This is deeply funny. Buddhism is about getting rid of urges.

Secondly seiza is also a position in which a lot of buddhist meditate and sitting that way is usually easier.

Thirdly it seems like you somehow try to do Buddhism on your own without a teacher when having a in person teacher is a core element of Buddhism.