In universes not fine-tuned for the Fermi paradox, the more fine-tuned for life the universe is, the sooner some civilization will arise that expands at the maximum possible speed devouring all the resources in its expansion path, which limits the number of civilizations like ours that can arise in any universe not fine-tuned for the Fermi paradox. Part of being fine-tuned for life might, therefore, be being fined-tuned for the Fermi paradox. (But you are raising excellent counterarguments to an issue I greatly care about so thanks!)