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btrettel comments on Open thread, Mar. 2 - Mar. 8, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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I want to make some new friends outside of my current social circle. I'm looking to meet smart and open minded people. What are some activities I could do or groups I could participate in where I'm likely to meet such people?
I'm particularly interested in personal experiences meeting people, rather than speculation, e.g. "I imagine ballroom dancing would be great" is not as good as "I met my partner and best friend ballroom dancing."
Also of interest would be groups where this is bad, e.g., if ballroom dancing was no good then "I never made any friends ballroom dancing, despite what I initially thought" would be a useful comment.
(I have a small list of candidate groups already, but I want to see what other people suggest to verify my thinking.)
Speaking of dancing, there was an extra follower at the introductory class at the Fed when Harsh and I went--so if you had come along, it would have been even!
Also on the project list now is to make a DDR-style game where you are responding just to the aural stimulus, rather than a visual one, with actual songs and actual dances, to have a single-player way of picking up the right thing to do with your feet and when to do it. (Does this already exist?)
If you aren't playing already, Magic: The Gathering can be a great hobby for meeting new people. The community trends towards smart (and open-minded, but less clearly so). Most stores have events each Friday. There is some barrier to entry, but I found the game easy enough to grasp.
See http://www.meetup.com/
Perhaps I was unclear. It's not that I can't find groups, it's that I want to know which groups have environments more conducive to meeting people of interest to me.
For example, I went to a meditation event once and enjoyed it for its stated purpose, but basically everyone left before I could talk to anyone aside from the instructor. Clearly, this meditation event is not what I am looking for.
I really enjoy dancing, but I've been doing it for years and haven't really met anyone through it. YMMV, and I've heard many people's M does V.
I met most of my friends through reddit meetups.
Join Facebook groups that follow your hobbies or favorite books/films/anime/anything. Wait for scheduled meetup events. Rinse and repeat.
Without knowing about your interest and the kind of people you want to meet it's hard to give targeted advice.
It also depends a lot on local customs. One meditation has a culture where the people who attend the event bond together, others don't.
As far as dancing goes, the default interaction is physical. If you want to make friends you also have to talk. If talking comes hard to you then dancing won't produce strong friendships.
If your goal is to build a social circle it's also vital to attend events together with other people. Constantly going alone to events doesn't fit that purpose.
Good points. I was intentionally keeping things general (and thus vague) for a few reasons. To be more specific, I'm looking for people who are similar to myself. The main restriction here is that I'm looking to meet reasonably smart people, which I think is a prerequisite to knowing me better. (I could be much more specific if you'd like to help me out more, but I'd prefer to take that to a private message.)
I'm curious about your thoughts on attending events with other people. Why would this help?
I once read somewhere that being a friend means seeing a person in at least three different contexts. Going to a meditation event together with people from my local LessWrong meetup increases the feeling of friendship between me and the other LW'ler.
If I dance Salsa with a girl that I first meet at a Salsa unrelated birthday party it feels like there a stronger friendship bond than if I just see her from time to time at Salsa events.
It's important to interact with people in different contexts if you want to build a friendship with them.
I can't promise that I have useful advice before knowing the specifics, but I'm happy to take my shoot.
Thanks, this all makes sense. I'll have to take you up on the offer later, as my priorities are shifting now.
I've met some friends swing dancing, so consider it somewhat recommended.
I don't know where you are, but you could try starting a local LW meetup group, that sometimes works for me.
I don't know what your housing situation is, but if it's currently not contributing to your social life, consider moving into a group house either of people you'd like to get closer with, or with some selection process that makes them likely to be compatible with you.
Thanks for the comment.
We already have a local LW meetup, and many of my local friends I've met through there. It's a small but highly appreciated group.
The group house idea is excellent. I have read of a number of houses in the area targeting people with certain lifestyles (vegan, recovering alcoholics, etc.) but I never looked that closely into them. Nor have I considered looking for a group house that might not have explicit goals but be composed of people I'd find interesting. I'll take a closer look.