Romashka comments on Open Thread, Apr. 13 - Apr. 19, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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This should belong to the stupid questions thread but anyway... why don't bars, inns, taverns, pubs, whatevers work in reality the same way they do in fiction, or, better question, under what conditions, when and where do or would they work like that?
You travel to another city on a business trip, say, to visit a trade show the next day. Same country or different doesn't matter but let's assume you speak the language. You check in your hotel. You have a free evening and go exploring. You go to the hotels bar or another bars, inns, taverns, pubs. What will happen? Exactly nothing. You will probably a have a drink or three alone, or if you don't drink alcohol it will be even more boring, have some dinner, perhaps sight-see as long as it is not dark then retire to your room early because you are bored. The point is, nobody will socialize with you, nor give you the signs that you are welcome to socialize with them. You will get to know exactly zero locals. You will not participate in their lives. You will be an outsider, it will feel like staring at an aquarium. You sit in a bar in a corner, nursing a beer, while you watch the locals come and go, greet each other, chat with each other, while they ignore your existence. A pretty sad thing actually. They seem to have zero interest in getting to know a non-local. You may even get suspicious glances, as they are used to knowing all the faces in their bar, or because simply you radiate those I-don't-belong-here signals. A pretty sad thing overall.
In fiction this is so different... not only the lively taverns in Tolkienesque fiction where travellers immediate come together and entertain each other with stories, but even in modern, James Bondesque fiction there are things happening in hotel bars after the elegant secret agent checks in, friends and enemies made, pick-ups attempted and so on. There is a social life going on.
Why is it so, or what conditions would make it different? I have exactly one experience when it was not so. We were in a classic outback, behind the beyond farmer town, and we were 10 people canooing down the river. Apparently people in more boring, small-town places are more interested about outsiders, and larger groups mix easier than one lone traveller with a whole bar. If I remember right, we were largely discussing amongst each other and basically the locals overheard us and pitched in. Perhaps such conversation-starter signals are necessary.
As of now it feels like the precondition for getting to know people is to be with people I already know. This also means sticking to cities where acquaintances live in. This sounds too limiting.
This is a fantastic and important point.
Freedom of expression comes with a cost. I can't remember a single sober or just less weird person who has tried to start a conversation when I was abroad being weird. I don't like it - think Sam meeting Strider.
Wearing Vibriams is a good way to encourage strangers to start talking to you.
Or any interesting piece of clothing; people are often choosing who they approach based on their look
Of course other pieces of clothing can also encourage people to approach but Vibriams offer the other person a conversation starter in way that most other pieces of clothing don't.
Or at least I don't know of another piece of clothing that has a similar effect.
For me, the most responses came from a cheap khaki blazer of all things. The highest responses I've ever seen among my friends were from a backpack with juggling clubs sticking out the back.
I do understand how juggling clubs can lead to a conversation. What kind of responses does a khaki blazer produce?
They wouldn't directly comment on it unless they knew me, but just a general impression my friends and I got. One friend jokingly tried to take it off of me so he could wear it himself after he saw two hot girls strike up a conversation with me just by me ordering a drink while standing next to them. It was a few years before guys overdressing became the "in" thing at night clubs, so it was probably because I was trendsetting.
I think there are two different things:
1) Wearing an item to signal that you are a person worth talking to.
2) Wearing an item that makes it easy for someone to talk to you because it gives them a conversation starter.
At a night club I can see how a trendy khaki blazer encourages people to talk to you. I however don't see how it will encourage a person to talk to you while you ride the tram or are otherwise in a situation where talking to strangers isn't standard behavior.