Yup, the open thread is a reasonable place to post poetry.

I have a bit of feedback but it may not be very useful: I don't see what this gains from being presented as poetry. If you removed all the line breaks and the capital letters at the starts of lines, would its impact be much different? If you replaced each line with a paraphrase, would much change? (Would it be ... functionally different?)

Perhaps my view of poetry is terribly conventional and old-fashioned: I think it's usually distinguished from non-poetry by some combination of (1) concern for sound as much as for sense, (2) repetition (of sounds, of ideas, of patterns of stress, etc.), (3) compression (via allusion, ambiguity, exquisite control of nuances), and (4) constraint (on syllable counts, appearance on the page, rhyme scheme, etc.). If something doesn't have much of any of these, then for me the experience of reading it is different enough from that of reading more "central" examples of poetry that I don't see why it should go in the same pigeonhole.

(For the avoidance of doubt, "poetic" is not remotely the same thing as "good". Writing can be very, very good with rather little of #1, none of #2, scarcely any of #3, and none of #4. And writing can be indubitably poetry but also utterly terrible.)

This is a good place to post your poem.

Thank you for the read.

You've brought to my mind an interesting realization. "Rationalist" art forms don't really have their own place, as of yet. (That I've noticed.)

And it seems interesting that I've lurked as long as I have without coming across any attempt to grow from the Savannah-Poet mindset, as put forth in Eliezer's writings on Reductionism.

Perhaps the reception is due to running against the grain, concerning language use in poetry? The content strikes me as something a budding philosopher might wonder at, although I would refer the subject of the poem to Eliezer's writings The Gift We Give Tomorrow, and his Fun Theory Sequence. Read aloud it did not grate my ears.

I might have overreached here, but I hope I have been useful.

EDIT: Please do continue with your artistic ambitions. They are part our charge, something to protect. Even if it's place in the new arts is small.