One size does not fit all, so make your own choices - I do subscribe to some of the underlying principles of the advice, one of which I think of as "you can't take care of someone else if you aren't taking care of yourself".

If you're consistently failing with points 1 and 2, it's worth setting some hard limits on when to abandon this project in search of a better one. I often recommend a book (The Dip)[http://smile.amazon.com/The-Dip-Little-Teaches-Stick/dp/1591841666] for work-related decisions of this form, but it applies to relationships as well.

Those feedback loops are real, and being mutually aware and communicative of them is necessary - it doesn't remove the temptation to sacrifice for your partner (IMO, that's a feature, not a bug), but it does let you see the reinforcement cycles and help you to choose which ones to damp and which to drive.