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ChristianKl comments on Open thread, Sep. 14 - Sep. 20, 2015 - Less Wrong Discussion
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Comments (192)
A girl saying yes to coffee isn't an excuse to not look for consent when having sex. Saying yes to coffee just means consent to move to a different location.
This is true, but its not that simple. When you're in private, its a far more dangerous situation, and, for instance, some girls will be scared to say no because of the possibility of violence.
She will be even more afraid to say "no" while in private if she beforehand explicitely said "yes" to sex instead of having said "yes" to coffee.
If you ask: "Do you want to come to my room with me to have sex" and she says "Yes", that can be interpreted as a promise to have sex if the girl comes to the room. Asking for "coming to the room to drink coffee" doesn't do that to the same extend.
But that presumes that the girl changes her mind about the sex when she reaches his room, which seems strange.
I suppose the room could be a sex dungeon, but in that case he should have asked "Wanna come home with me for kinky sex?"
(Obviously, people have the right to withdraw consent at any time for any reason, it just seems unlikely that it would be necessary)
In the example the girl usually don't just want sex but she wants sex while she's turned on and that brings her pleasure. Even in the case of asking directly for sex a girl would assume that the guy will engage in foreplay that puts her then in an emotional state where she will have pleasurable sex.
When a guy asks: "Do you want to come to my room for coffee" a girl might think "That's exciting and hopefully the night will end with great sex" but depending on how the interaction in the room goes it might or might not end up in sex.
I am assuming that the people involved have probably been out drinking and having fun and getting into an exciting emotional state beforehand.