The social person is right here. Remember 'X is not about Y'?. The difference is that your 'social culture' person is in fact low-to-average status on the relevant hierarchy. Something that's just "harmless social banter" to people who are confident in their social position can easily become a 'status attack', or a 'microaggression' from the POV of someone who happens to be more vulnerable.
You're confusing two points of view.
Let's say social Sally is talking to nerdy Nigel. From the point of view of Sally, there are a lot of microaggressions, and status attacks, and insensitivity, etc. But that is not because Nigel is cunningly conducting a "devious status game", Nigel doesn't care about status (including Sally's) and all he wants to do is talk about his nerdy stuff.
Nigel is not playing a let's-kick-Sally-around game, Sally is misperceiving the situation.
Nigel doesn't care about status (including Sally's) and all he wants to do is talk about his nerdy stuff.
Oh, Nigel may not care about Sally's status - that much is clear enough, and I'm not disputing it. He cares a lot about his own status and the status of his nerdy associates, however. That's one reason why he likes this "bzzzzzzt, gotcha!" game so much. It's a way of saying: "Hey, this is our club; outsiders are not welcome here! Why don't you go to a sports bar, or something." Am I being uncharitable? Perhaps so, but my understanding of Nigel's POV is as plausible as yours.
If it's worth saying, but not worth its own post (even in Discussion), then it goes here.
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