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bogus comments on Open thread, Feb. 01 - Feb. 07, 2016 - Less Wrong Discussion
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This belief is broadly correct wrt. attraction. Safety is not remotely the same thing as attraction - it is psychologically a very different need. That's why when women started opening up about the importance for them of physical safety (or even just the clear perception of safety) in public settings, many PUAs actually listened to them. They came up with guidelines like 'always leave a line of retreat' - and these guidelines turned out to work strikingly well in the field, and so became increasingly popular. This is perhaps the clearest possible example of beliefs paying rent, no matter where they originally came from. It's how an empirically-focused art improves.
These are flawed terms, but there is an important insight behind them. Namely, that the preconditions for having sex are not very different from the ones that will lead to you two kissing/making out (k-close) or exchanging numbers (#-close) - all of these are 'closes' that reflect some level of commitment. That the 'f-close' is thus not something far-fetched and unachievable, but something that can potentially be reached, provided that you approach it with the right sequence of steps or 'courtship dance'. And yes, this does require ongoing attention to "what feels good", but that's not enough. Having a clear framework to hang it all on is very helpful, even from a pure emotional POV.
The problem is that while some PUAs actually listen a lot of people who read PUA material don't think that it's valuable to listen to women for their perspective. The might speak with other PUA's in their lair but think that the outside world is stupid. It produces an intellectual fantasy world in which not enough reflection happens.
I don't think guidelines itself are enough. Actually having deep conversations is the key to understanding other people.
It's an emotional shield to prevent certain emotions from being felt. The PUA focuses on intellectual steps instead of being in touch with the emotions of the moment. The shield disassociates the emotion more if the goal is considered to be a 'f-close' instead of the goal being considered sex.
I'm not sure to what extend that feature is be design or simply by memetic evolution but it's there.
The problem is that the guidelines don't work well. I remember one naked dance event led by a tantra bodywork person. A guy who earn part of his money with giving erotic massages to woman.
We danced naked but the rule was not doing it with a sexual vibe. One guy didn't get it, and that hurt the event. The standard PUA model doesn't even acknowledge that you can touch the same part of the body with a sexual vibe and can also touch it with a nonsexual vibe.
There are a lot of professional at human touch who have thought about how it works and PUA largely ignores that knowledge base and instead orients itself on techniques developed in bars and clubs.
Just like there a lot of professional knowledge about coaching that PUA don't interface with much.