Talking about how angry I am about them IRL gets me labelled weird, and with my family, told to shut up or I'll be kicked out of the room/car/conversation/etc.
Where you live is more then just your immediate family.
You also assume that I oppose 'perfectly valid Bayesian inference', as if that's the only thing that can be meant by opposing racism and sexism.
Well technically one could define "sexism" and "racism" however one wants; however, in practice that's not how most people who oppose them use the words.
but a lot of people have trouble on updating on the fact that the individual they're faced with doesn't fit the trend.
That's because usually the individual does fit the trend. In fact these days people tend to under update for fear of being called "racist" and/or "sexist".
I don't know why you automatically leap to assuming that I am really angry about, say, people reading studies comparing male and female IQs when what I'm actually angry about is,
So are you also angry about what happened to Watson?
say, people beating LBGTQA+ individuals to death in dark alleys (which I am presuming you would not defend).
Are you also angry about people beating people without those psychological issues in dark alleys? The latter is much more common. Are you angry about, say, what happened in Rotherham and the ideology that lead to it being cover up? What about all the black on black violence in inner cities that no one seems to care about and cops don't want to stop for fear of being called "racist" when they disproportionately arrest black defendants.
Some people use a slight statistical trend indicating a small difference in X to say that all members of a minority must be completely lacking in X and therefore it's okay to hate them.
Do you know what the word "hate" means? I've seen it thrown around to apply to lot's of situations where there is no actual hate involved. Furthermore, in the rare cases where I've seen actual hate, well like you yourself said latter "emotion is arational" and hate is sometimes appropriate.
I'm a utilitarian.
Yet earlier you said "I'm against beatings and murder in general, really." Do you see the contradiction here? Do you some beatings and killings [your example wasn't murder since it was legal] even if they increase utility?
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