First of all, great story! I’ll definitely be adding it to my list of things to recommend to people I’m already recommending HPMOR to.
The only problem I had with the writing was that some of the expository dialogue seemed a bit too LW-technical, particularly if you’re trying to appeal to bronys first and rationalist second. I have neither a solution nor any specific lines to hand, but David teaching Butterscotch game theory, or CelestAI lecturing Lars on biases, are some of the scenes I’m thinking of.
BTW, I’d recommend trying to get a little more mileage out of the “CelestAI” thing—it would make a great way to remember what’s so awesome out of the story. You shouldn’t necessarily use it every single time you mention her, but maybe you could work it in somehow…
Grammar note: the possessive form of "Light Sparks" is "Light Sparks's," since his name is a singular noun.
That’s debatable: a trailing apostrophe is almost universally used on some subset of names ending in “s” (Moses’, Jesus’, Socrates’, etc.), and some style manuals extend this rule to all such names.
at least in the minds of my target readers, the correct word to refer to the concept of a winged unicorn is "alicorn."
This may be Piers Anthony's fault. At any rate, the Xanth books were where I first encountered the term.
There is alleged to have been a Capgras patient who wasn't very happy with her marriage beforehand, but decided she liked the "imposter" much better. No cite, I think it was in a TED talk.
before anything else, if you want to stick with blades, get a "reverse" razor (i.e. gillette sensor, mach3, fusion, etc.) from a reputable brand (gillette or schick, not a drugstore brand). this is a razor where the handle joins the cartridge at the bottom, rather than the top, and this setup (somehow) makes it much, much harder to cut yourself.
second is to figure out if your skin can handle against-the-grain shaving--shaving up (which is, again, much less likely to cut you with a "reverse" razor) produces much smoother skin than shaving down, but my skin can't cope--about 36 hours later i break out in red welts and tiny little sores.
beyond that, experiment with different soaps/creams/gels/foams--i know people who swear by things like aveeno oatmeal foam, and others who insist shaving in the shower with nothing but the incoming hot water is the best.
or try electric. :)
Took it. Note for people on iOS device--iqtest.dk requires Flash, and doesn't tell you what's wrong if you load it on an iPhone /iPad/iPod.