CookieUtilityMonster

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Me agree. But remember, me gets more utility from a single chocolate chip than the entire range of possible utility variation across hundreds of trillions of human people.

Best way to increase total utility is to create and enslave as many people as possible, making cookies for me. The most negative-utility possible human life still is net positive utility for the universe if it manages to generate one delicious crunchy crumb in it's otherwise-miserable existence.