@Kaj: There are more cheerful prospects. I think you are still too much caught up in an "essence" of you which acts. There is no such thing. There is no dichotomy between you and the universe.
The anguish you feel is anguish about your own (the universes!) suffering. Try to be happy, you will increase happiness overall.
Eastern philosophy helps, it merges well with materialism. You are only disturbed if you can't get rid of deeply-conditioned Western philosophical assumptions.
Reading recommendations:
Anything by Alan Watts (start with "The Way of Zen").
Raymond Smullyan's "The Tao is Silent"
Joseph Goldstein's "One Dharma: The Emerging Western Buddhism" is excellent also.
On my reading list (looks highly relevant) is this book:
Kolak, Daniel. "I Am You: The Metaphysical Foundations for Global Ethics"
Maybe you want to check that out too.
Some inspiriation from Lao Tse's Dao de jing (verse two):
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
Therefore having and not having arise together.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short contrast each other:
High and low rest upon each other;
Voice and sound harmonize each other;
Front and back follow one another.
Therefore the sage goes about doing nothing, teaching no-talking.
The ten thousand things rise and fall without cease,
Creating, yet not.
Working, yet not taking credit.
Work is done, then forgotten.
Therefore it lasts forever.
@Kaj: There are more cheerful prospects. I think you are still too much caught up in an "essence" of you which acts. There is no such thing. There is no dichotomy between you and the universe.
The anguish you feel is anguish about your own (the universes!) suffering. Try to be happy, you will increase happiness overall.
Eastern philosophy helps, it merges well with materialism. You are only disturbed if you can't get rid of deeply-conditioned Western philosophical assumptions.
Reading recommendations:
Anything by Alan Watts (start with "The Way of Zen").
Raymond Smullyan's "The Tao is Silent"
Joseph Goldstein's "One Dharma: The Emerging Western Buddhism" is excellent also.
On my reading list (looks highly relevant) is this book:
Kolak, Daniel. "I Am You: The Metaphysical Foundations for Global Ethics"
Maybe you want to check that out too.
Some inspiriation from Lao Tse's Dao de jing (verse two):
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
Therefore having and not having arise together.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short contrast each other:
High and low rest upon each other;
Voice and sound harmonize each other;
Front and back follow one another.
Therefore the sage goes about doing nothing, teaching no-talking.
The ten thousand things rise and fall without cease,
Creating, yet not.
Working, yet not taking credit.
Work is done, then forgotten.
Therefore it lasts forever.
Cheers,
Günther