On strategies that have helped me... I practice noticing my emotions somatically. I conceptualize my "emotional self" as an instrument I practice playing. Improving at the instrument is improving at sensing my emotions and their associations in my mind. This helps me to realize when my thoughts and behavior are being pulled in competing directions. I ask myself "what about x situation is contributing to y feelings." I think you did this well in your post intellectually, but noticing the sensation in me and observing it helps me too.