Related to: Rationalization, Meditation on curiosity, Original Seeing.
Why aren’t you learning faster?
For me, one answer is: because I’m not asking questions. I blunder through conversations trying to “do my job”, or to look good, or elaborating my own theories, or allowing cached replies to come out of my mouth on autopilot. I blunder through readings, scanning my eyes over the words and letting thoughts strike me as they may. Rarely am I pulled by a specific desire to know.
And most of my learning happens at those rare times.
How about you? When you read, how often do you chase something? When you chat with your friends -- are you curious about how they’re doing, why their mouth twitched as they said that, or why exactly they disagree with you about X? When you sit down to write, or to do research -- are you asking yourself specific questions, and then answering them?
Are there certain situations in which you get most of your useful ideas -- situations you could put yourself in more often?
Lately, when I notice that I’m not curious about anything, I’ve been trying to interrupt whatever I’m doing. If I’m in a conversation, and neither I nor my interlocutor is trying to figure something out, I call a mini “halt, melt, and catch fire” (inside my head, at least), and ask myself what I want. Surely not stale conversations. If I’m writing, and I don’t like the sentence I just wrote -- instead of reshuffling the words in the hopes that the new version will just happen to be better, I ask myself what I don’t like about it.
Thus, for the past six months, several times a day, I've interrupted my thoughts and put them back on an “ask questions” track. (“Grrr, he said my argument was dishonest... Wait, is he right? What should it look like if he is?”; “I notice I feel hopeless about this paper writing. Maybe there’s something I should do differently?”) It's helping. I'm building the habit of interrupting myself when I'm "thinking" without trying to find something out, or taking actions that I expect won't accomplish anything. As a human, I’m probably stuck running on habits -- but I can at least change *which* habits I run on.
I'm guessing, but I think JGW probably was talking about "open questions" rather than rhetorical ones.
Rhetorical ones imply that they shouldn't be answered. Open questions are ones that, by their nature, require you to answer in more depth than just a single response.
Consider the following. If you start with: "where did you go to school?" or "what did you study?" as opening questions (which could have simple, one-word replies)
Compare the followup question: "what subject did you enjoy most?" where a one-word response would again be an acceptable response. You've already specified what you expect them to say - and they'll dutifully say it and the question is done.
instead try:
"what did you enjoy most in your course?" you can't answer that as easily with one word - it makes a person actually think about their response.
Even if they reply quickly (eg "maths') you can now ask them why and have something else to ask more about. See how far you can go (without boring them or making them feel like you're a creepy stalker). Can you get them to confess that they secretly had a crush on their Math 101 tutor? :)
Leave your questions open to interpretation, and it'll get people talking more. In my experience, people like talking about themselves... and they like talking about why they like what they like. Those are the best smalltalk questions to get started.
Sounds like someone had a crush on their Math 101 teacher....
But yes, this is right on. Ask them a question that allows (but does not require) the other person to tell a story (stories can be quite short...I use the word in a loose sense). Respond with your own, make it as short or shorter, and only one-up someone once.
(by one-up I mean, tell a better story. If they tell you about their cute Math 101 teacher, and you tell them about the time you saw your math teacher on a date or something, and they come back with the math teacher drunk at a casino or something, maybe leave it at that....sometimes people don't like to have their story trumped, unless you have a REALLY good story to throw down there).