decided to lose weight. should be easy considering I haven't changed my diet in years and eat the same thing everyday.

breakfast: quarter cup each of black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans; quarter cup of walnuts; 4 scrambled eggs with salsa on top

snack: sliced apple with peanut butter

lunch: quarter cup each of black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans; quarter cup of walnuts; sautéed ground turkey spiced with onion powder & smoked paprika; 5 sliced cherry tomatoes; half an avocado; mushrooms; sliced bell peppers; turmeric; a variety of vegetables (onion, zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, butternut squash, spinach)

dinner: quarter cup each of black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans; quarter cup of walnuts; baked chicken breast spiced with lemon pepper (eaten with peanut butter on the side); mushrooms; sliced bell peppers; a variety of vegetables

thought to myself, "I eat pretty cleanly, so not sure where I'm going to cut calories." remembered that peanut butter is calorically dense and I eat one jar per week. looked at the jar's nutrition facts—the whole thing is 5,000 calories. oops. 

realized I've been eating a third of my calories in peanut butter. that's a pint of ice cream's worth of fat every week. been doing it at least three years. have eaten so much peanut butter it even infected my writing metaphors. what I thought was a light snack of apples and peanut butter, when I measured it out, was actually the caloric equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.

stopped eating peanut butter. severe psychological withdrawal symptoms from its nut-buttery goodness ensued. used relationship-breakup advice from WebMD to cope. but was powerless to stop the peanut butter dreams (nightmares?) from happening while sleeping.

the last couple years I've had inflammation & acne on my back. dermatologists couldn't figure out what was wrong. they asked what I typically eat. I told them—but the quantities of certain foods were never discussed.

did my version of dry-January (ie: no peanut butter). deprived of calories, my body got angry. subdued my hunger with potatoes (embraced my Irish roots by eating roots).

these are the results after a month:

• lost 2 lbs
• back cleared up (see before/after pics below)

after depriving myself of one of life's greatest joys (peanut butter), I now understand:
pain is the price we pay for beauty...