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All of Slade's Comments + Replies

Is suicide high-status?
Slade40

I've been going through a bit of suicidal ideation as of late, and I think I can give my take on the issue.

I'd say that we tend to oversimplify the concept of "status" around here. We speak of it as though it were a conscious decision to conform to the, mostly, arbitrary ideas of society at large. I believe that a person can live in a culture that declares an action to be cowardly or otherwise sinful, and yet intuitively believe the action to be honorable under certain situations.

In my experience, the core motivation behind wanting to die (or li... (read more)

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Open Thread, February 1-14, 2013
Slade00

All fair points.

having the admins escalate to looking up IP addresses and contacting locals

How much can you narrow down my identity from a comment, I really have no idea? That'd probably only cause trouble for me, by the way.

trolled, attacked, or drama queened (anyone can say that they have contributions under another account)

There's really no reason someone couldn't do those things even if they did have contributions under another account. And I'm curious, what do you mean by "attack" other than trolling?

LWers attempting to follow up

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2gwern
I don't know; it depends on the details. I know from my time as an admin on Wikipedia that we were often able to contact local authorities or family, often using IP addresses. (I imagine suicide is quite troubling too.) It reduces the odds. I think that if you can't think of ways in which suicides, real or faked, could be used to attack a group, then it's probably better if I don't list every idea that comes to mind. I am not an expert on suicide (which is one reason I think a LW suicide policy is a really good idea), but I understand many or most suicide attempts fail so I'm not sure there is a difference or if the difference is important.
Open Thread, February 1-14, 2013
Slade130

It changed the way I thought about everything. I had to reanalyze every belief I held and was far too busy doing that to be particularly sad.

More importantly though, it gave me hope. The general air of optimism and confidence and defiance made me feel proud to be a part of it. Before finding this place, the thing that bothered me most about life was that it was absolutely certain to end. After reading the Methods of Rationality, I realized that I didn't have to go down without a fight so long as I had even a chance of winning.

Besides all that, Lesswrong ... (read more)

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1John_Maxwell
That's also how I felt about OB/LW in high school. But when I grew older and met smart, sensible non-high-schoolers, the "zomg OB is totally my tribe" effect became less strong, because I found people in the real world who were more similar to me. Anyway, you might be depressed because you're in high school and you're having a hard time finding people similar to you (or because high school is just a terrible place in general).
Open Thread, February 1-14, 2013
Slade60

Well, hugs do make everything better. Reciprocated.

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Open Thread, February 1-14, 2013
Slade220

So... this is a really personal issue and I'm not sure I have any business bringing it up here, but I'm going to anyway:

I've been on and off suicidal for the past 8 or so years (I'm 18, btw), but I've been especially depressed for the last couple of months. My exact emotions are pretty complicated and the motivations behind my death wish differ from moment to moment. 2 days ago I decided to commit to killing myself and I've spent the time between then and now readying myself for suicide. In the past 10 minutes I've had a change of heart brought on by guilt... (read more)

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0hampton
Been lurking, but wanted to register and say I hope you feel better. Why not?
0juliawise
Yes. PM'd.
0Desrtopa
If you want to talk about what you're dealing with without having to air it in front of everyone, I'd be happy to talk with you about it by PM.
0[anonymous]
Hi Slade, I think your willingness to talk about your issues (implicitly acknowledging that you desire help/advice) can only be a good thing. One thing you might try is training yourself to notice when your brain thinks happy/positive thoughts, and rewarding yourself either mentally or physically for merely thinking said thoughts (#6 from the Checklist of Rationality Habits.) Here, have a hug. hugs
5Epiphany
Hi. I'm a psychology enthusiast (not a licensed psychologist) and I have a few bits of information that I think might be useful to you. I've read all of the replies to this, and your replies to those, to make sure I wasn't missing something obvious about your situation. Additionally, I defended your decision to post here. Three bits of information that may help you: 1.) If you haven't found psychologists useful, this might be an explanation If you haven't found psychologists helpful, it might be because you are gifted. Here's my reasoning for why I think you might be gifted, why this matters to your psychological health, and some ideas for getting services and doing further reading: * A large proportion of people at LessWrong are probably gifted. If you feel a sense of understanding here, that may be a sign that you are gifted, too. * About 50% of the (American) gifted population doesn't know they are gifted. * Gifted people can need a psychologist who has experience with gifted clients. Taking a gifted mind to a psychologist who is trained to work with normal minds can be like taking a space ship to a car mechanic. It can be frustrating or unhelpful. * About 25% of gifted people are misdiagnosed by psychologists. If you were diagnosed with any mental or learning disorders, do consult a book called Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults (I got the 25% figure from that book as well.). You are obviously upset, but there's a good chance that there's far less wrong than they think there is. * If you're depressed and gifted, you aught to know about something called "existential depression". The misdiagnosis book above does have a blurb on that in the depression section. I am not sure what to recommend for more extensive reading on existential depression, as it's not an officially recognized form of depression. (There isn't nearly enough research on gifted adults.) However, now that you have the term "existential depression" this may enable
Tripitaka150

It is ok and not at all inappropriate to seek help here. I myself suffer from depression, so I do know the kind of pain you`re in- right now, as I write this post, I nearly weep tears of sorrow for the fact that you hurt so much right now, and my heart flies out to you.

Please do not kill yourself!

Although it may seem very far away right now, the pain can go away, and you can be happy again. As for an immediate plan of action I would recommend the following things:

  • first, numb the pain so you do not get worse. Thats not a longterm-solution, its just un

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8Mitchell_Porter
Why did LW originally make a difference to your suicidality?
1Spectral_Dragon
hug is essentially what I can do as well. I have some experience with this (age 19, depression for the last 2,5 years), and the professionals I've talked with have been very understanding and adaptable to how I think (cognitive behavorial therapy for the win), so I think you should at least talk to one if you find yourself on the verge again. For what it's worth, what I use when I feel really terrible is the internet for reasons life is still awesome enough. Cracked has something like this, though this might only work for me. And I support moving this to Discussion if you want a better chance of help. But if you just want to talk, I'm up for that, too. Just drop me a message. Anyway, I don't think I can do more for you except say that every life lost is a tragedy, and you're the kind of person the world would definitely be worse without.
5Dorikka
I don't think that I would be the best person for you to talk things out with, but I wanted to give you an internet hug and let you know that I hope things improve for you. hug ETA: I think this would be fine to post in Discussion, and more people would see it there.