LESSWRONG
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All of zigdon's Comments + Replies

Everyday Questions Wanting Rational Answers
zigdon00

I think relsqui got the difference. I will often not follow these guidelines when deciding when to offer help, or accept requests, just when to make them.

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1Relsqui
I'm curious; do you have any idea of your heuristics for deciding when to offer help or accept requests?
Everyday Questions Wanting Rational Answers
zigdon10

Just looking at the second paragraph, I don't think I agree with your definition of an unreasonable request. I think very few exchanges are really equal, but that doesn't make all interactions unreasonable.

In my mind, the stronger your relationship is, the more uneven the request could be. You could ask a stranger in the movies to perhaps remove their hat, but you can ask your best friend to watch your cats for 3 weeks.

I suspect that part of the reason it's okay to ask more of people with whom you have stronger relationships is that there is an expectati... (read more)

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0tgoorden
I don't think this is a true (or healthy) approach. Consider helping a total stranger who you can be fairly certain off you will never see again. E.g. an old lady having trouble loading her groceries in a city you're visiting as a tourist. (To keep it simple.) By your rational (long-term account balance between you and the lady) one should never help her! This seems like a pretty depressing approach to life. Secondly: what about situations where there is a potential for a long-term friendship, but you don't know yet? I often make good friends just by helping them out in a pretty intense way right off the bat. (E.g. someone new moves to my town and I help them find a place to live, happened many times.) No, I think a "flip the roles" system works better to judge these types of deals: "If I were an old lady in that situation, what would I expect?" "If I was new in town, how would I feel if someone were to help me out? What would it mean for me in the long term?" Also keep in mind that it's frighteningly easy to pick out friends who have a "long term balance" system in their heads and I think it reflects badly on them. Don't be that guy.
0Relsqui
That's a really good point--enough so that I'm not sure how I'm going to rewrite that section to include it. Well done, you've been disruptive. ;)