It gets a lot more complicated when those differences are significantly affected by publicly discussing them, as seems to be the case.

Fair enough, though I'll point out that the discussion was over dinner/email, not in an extremely public forum where many people will be exposed (though there is still the possibility that friends tell friends who tell friends, etc.).

...and makes it sound like you think reality is obligated to be set up so that truthseeking wins.

Yes, I see that now. How about this: it's unclear that the best strategy for combating any racial disadvantages is not talking about them, rather than determining the cause and attempting to do something proactive about it.