I wouldn't be surprised to see examples of people saying "you don't really feel bad, you're faking it" which is a very different thing, and there's an example of people saying "we mustn't incentivize these hypothetical Muslims to self-modify in this way". But can you point me to an example of what you describe happening - of someone saying "you, the actual real person I am replying to, have self-modified to find something more painful in order to change other people's incentives"?