It reminds me of Transactional Analysis saying the best way to keep people in mental traps is to provide them two scripts: "this is what you should do if you are a good person", but also "this is what you will do if you become a bad person (i.e. if you refuse the former script)". So even if you decide to rebel, you usually rebel in the prescribed way, because you were taught to only consider these two options as opposites... while in reality there are many other options available.

The real challenge is to avoid both the "good script" and the "bad script".

Cafeteria catholics fits most of my family, and for the past few years I could have also claimed the term. Though I've never met anyone who used it for themselves, it is generally considered a bad thing by most parts of the hierarchy. Cafeteria catholicism has recently been strongly condemned by the Catholic Church itself, part of the reason I started reconsidering religion in the first place.