NancyLebovitz comments on Open thread, Mar. 16 - Mar. 22, 2015 - Less Wrong

6 Post author: MrMind 16 March 2015 08:13AM

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Comment author: NancyLebovitz 16 March 2015 05:17:06PM 5 points [-]

It seems plausible that Hint cultures lead to passive aggression-- if you can't be just plain aggressive, what have you got left?

Comment author: Lumifer 16 March 2015 05:25:16PM 8 points [-]

I think power imbalance leads to passive aggression much more than the Hint or Ask character of the culture.

Hint and Ask are basically preferred communication protocols and most Hint people I know will adjust if the hints are clearly not working. But there is a big difference between

  • Glance at garbage. Glance at garbage. Glance at garbage. Dear, can you please take out the garbage?

and

  • Glance at garbage. Glance at garbage. Glance at garbage. You never pay any attention to me and you screwed up my whole life, you ungrateful bastard!
Comment author: [deleted] 17 March 2015 08:55:58AM 0 points [-]

I think power imbalance leads to passive aggression much more than the Hint or Ask character of the culture.

But that is largely the same thing. The classical boss-subordinate relationship is ask (order) down, guess up. Passive-aggression is extreme (angry, upset) guess, active aggression is extreme (angry, upset) ask/order.

When whole cultures are all-ask or all-guess that is probably a sign of egalitarianism - within that subset.

Comment author: Lumifer 17 March 2015 02:50:09PM 1 point [-]

The classical boss-subordinate relationship is ask (order) down, guess up.

It's more complicated. Ask/tell is simpler, faster, and more efficient so in the workplace (where status and power relationships are largely formalized) it tends to dominate anyway.

Also, as anecdata, I know a girl who is a very pronounced Hint/Guess person, but she's a manager and has underlings. She quite successfully manages them mostly on the Hint/Guess basis (within reason, of course).

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