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"Wrong" means not only different things but different kinds of things to different people.
I am guessing (from what you say, and from the fact that most people here are more or less consequentialists) that you are a consequentialist; from that perspective, indeed, blowing up the building (or whatever exactly the drone would have done) seems like a clear win.
But perhaps your friend is a deontologist: s/he has a rule "you're not allowed to kill civilians" and wants it followed in all cases. That will give suboptimal results sometimes, and maybe this case is an example. But it may still be a better policy than "think it out from first principles in every case". For instance, suppose -- as seems pretty plausible, though I don't know -- that drone operators quite often face the possibility of collateral damage, and that in most cases they could avoid killing civilians (without much compromise to military objectives) by taking some extra trouble: waiting a bit, observing for longer, etc. Then if "you're not allowed to kill civilians" they will take that extra trouble, but in the absence of such a clear-cut rule they may be strongly motivated to find excuses for why, in each individual case, it's better just to go ahead and accept the civilian deaths. (And there's a feedback loop here; do that often enough and you're likely to find yourself caring less about civilian deaths, perhaps even finding rationalizations for why they're a good thing.)
Or perhaps your friend is a virtue ethicist: good people find it really hard to kill innocent bystanders, so a really good person wouldn't carry out the strike and kill the girl (even if they agreed that in principle it would be for the best; they just psychologically couldn't do it); therefore a drone operator who just goes ahead and does it is thereby shown not to be a good person, and that's why they shouldn't do it. The consequences of being a Good Person in this particular case may be bad -- but a world of Good People would probably have a lot fewer situations in which that kind of decision had to be made in the first place.
Me, I'm pretty much a consequentialist, but I'm consequentialist about policies as well as about individual actions, and I'd at least want to consider a fairly strict no-killing-civilians policy of the sort that would forbid this action. (But I think what I would actually prefer is a policy that almost forbids such things and allows exceptions in really clear-cut cases. I haven't seen "Eye in the Sky" and therefore have no idea whether this was one.)
One other remark: this sort of drama always makes me uncomfortable, because it enables the people making it to manipulate viewers' moral intuitions. Case 1: they show lots of cases where this kind of dilemma arises, and in every case it becomes clear that the drone operator should have taken the "tough" line and accepted civilian casualties For The Greater Good. Case 2: they show lots of cases where this kind of dilemma arises, and in every case it becomes clear that the drone operator should have taken the "nice" line because they could have accomplished their objectives without killing civilians. -- Politicians are highly susceptible to public opinion. Do we really want the makers of movies and TV dramas determining (indirectly) national policy on this kind of thing?
(I am not suggesting that they should be forbidden to do it, or anything like that. That would probably be much worse. It just makes me uncomfortable that this happens.)
Great response, thanks.
Finding the hardest to argue against are the deontologists. Morality is a hard one to pin down and define, but my original thought process still holds up here.
Unless moral objectives are black and white, we can assign a badness to each. Killing and allowing death are subtly different to most people, but not to the chime of 80 people. In both cases, you will kill civilians - and in that light, the problem becomes a minimisation one. I still would then say that inaction is less moral... (read more)