This is the bimonthly 'What are you working On?' thread. Previous threads are here. So here's the question:
What are you working on?
Here are some guidelines:
- Focus on projects that you have recently made progress on, not projects that you're thinking about doing but haven't started.
- Why this project and not others? Mention reasons why you're doing the project and/or why others should contribute to your project (if applicable).
- Talk about your goals for the project.
- Any kind of project is fair game: personal improvement, research project, art project, whatever.
- Link to your work if it's linkable.
The goal is to date successfully. The subgoal is to get one date. Despite meeting a lot of single women, flirting with them, and getting some phone numbers, none of them have been willing to actually go out, or they've made plans and then cancelled. The working theory is that I'm way less attractive than I think. So I'm debugging my appearance and behavior.
Clothes. My process was this: go online, read about fashion, put clothes on, stare at mirror. "According to this, none of my shirts actually fit!" Go to the store, try shirts on, "and none of these fit either!" Go to a tailor, spend $180 to get five shirts ruined (N.B. test a tailor before giving them a big chunk of your wardrobe). Go to a new tailor, and finally I now own a shirt that fits like it's supposed to.
I had tried improving my clothes before without effect, but I think the latest batch of changes bumped me up a level. I've also been testing out these high-status behaviors, so it's hard to isolate changes, but these are new in the last two months:
Social. I can now reliably initiate conversations with strangers. I did this by noticing that I was comfortable engaging with people, as long as they made the first move (i.e. they said something to me). So I started gradually lowering my standard for what qualified as a first move in my mind, e.g. if they asked me to save their place in a line, then I'd start a conversation when they got back. I'm at the point now where even passive things qualify, like "he's carrying a trombone case" or "she's wearing a cool shirt." And when someone walks across the room to stand near me, to not talk to them feels almost as awkward as ignoring something they said.
This is a useful skill in general, but it's really nice for flirting, because you don't have to rely on them or some external event to throw you together. There are some other benefits too, like having more control of the conversation. The most surprising thing I've noticed is how pleasant it always is: even when I'm hitting on girls that just aren't interested, they're friendly, and never offended. We talk for a while, I say goodbye, and we go our separate ways. What was I so worried about?
There's a lot more that I'm trying, but this comment is already too long. I am keeping a log of my changes that I'm sure will be completely useless to everyone except me, but I'm tracking it anyway. See you in August, hopefully I'll have some good news!
Um. Many of those high-status behaviours sound pretty rude. Others lead to low epistemic hygeine. If we start behaving in those ways to each other, it won't work out. It's hard to be confident about these things, but people say that I manage to come across as confident about myself without doing other people down, which is certainly both what I aim for and how I feel. I'd like to imagine that I'd be happy if other people behaved the way I do. It's hard to hit that target - indeed, hard to know whether you've hit it or not - but it seems the right one t... (read more)