There are two types of psychological issues: disorders and problems.
Disorders are so massive, so life-altering that we can’t miss them: schizophrenia, crippling social anxiety, destructive addiction… They scream “danger” in neon red blinking letters. We know and fear them because they destroy lives. People with such disorders are often unable to function in society, and see themselves ostracized, shunned, and institutionalized.
On the other hand, psychological problems appear quite benign and harmless: fear of rejection, not liking social gatherings, stress eating/smoking… They’re not good, but they’re also not that big of a deal. Everybody has them, and most people function just fine despite a bunch of psychological problems. They don’t forbid a normal life.
Yet they subtly restrict you.
Take low social anxiety. Maybe you don’t really like meeting new people. Maybe you don’t like group settings. Or you’re uncomfortable talking with others, because you might say something stupid. Whatever your reason, this anxiety makes you:
- Avoid parties if you can
- Stay less time if you have to go
- Be less enjoyable in conversations when there
None of these consequences will ruin your life. Even when put all together, psychological problems still don’t amount to disorders. But as soon as you start to optimize, they get in your way. You start bending the best action that you can find in order to deal with your problems, instead of going for it directly. If networking is the best use of your time but you have social anxiety, you’ll find alternatives that don’t reap all the benefits, often without even realizing it. You’ll just flinch away.
Psychological disorders are obvious liabilities. But if you neglect psychological problems, they will invisibly block your path again and again. Avoiding this doesn’t look like waiting until all your psychological problems are solved, but instead to acknowledge them and endeavour to fix them when they get in the way.
I dislike social anxiety because it injects false beliefs and predictions into my brain relating to how much people like me. I really like interacting with people, and these false beliefs often stop me from interacting with people as much as I’d like.
I also have meeting which last longer than they probably should, because I like spending time around people. This is bad in the ways you’ve mentioned, but it does feel like a different mental thing than social anxiety, in part because it isn’t as destructive, or sacrificing of things I want. There’s some sacrifice, but not as much as social anxiety.
Maybe one dichotomy here would be mental features which give you fewer options (like social anxiety), and mental features which lead to certain on-the-margin tradeoffs. Social anxiety feels less like a marginal tradeoff and more “there’s an entire world which you aren’t even trying to explore”.