As kids, long before our frontal lobes have finished developing, we’ve all had the instinct to tease. Just watch two toddlers interact, you can see the malicious glint in their eye as they discover that calling one of their peers a “poopy head” triggers a devastating emotional response.

Believe it or not, that glint is actually one of the first seeds of empathy.

They’re beginning to learn about the inner world of the person in-front of them, what buttons can be pushed there, and discovering that at the end of the day they’re not so different themselves (since after the inevitable retaliation, they promptly learn that they do not enjoy being on the recieving end of “No you’re a poopy head!” either).

Now might be a good time to extend a personal appeal not to tease me for the title of this post. I took a high risk for no discernible reward.

I’ve met too many high functioning sociopaths in sales, finance, and life not to notice how good they usually are at reading the person infront of them. The fact that they’re calculated and self-serving doesn’t mean that they aren’t good at empathising with whoever is standing before them - on the contrary, they’re highly proficient in it.

Trouble is, they don’t hesitate to exploit their skills ruthlessly to their own advantage.

When discussing emotional intelligence, Empathy tends to be divided into two categories:

Affect (Emotional) Empathy: The visceral, emotional, part of caring. Usually including a measurable physiological response (eg. watching a video of someone getting hurt increases heart rate, crying when sad, experiencing cringe).

Cognitive Empathy: The analytical ability to identify and understand what a person infront of you is feeling and why - without necessarily feeling it yourself.

As I’m sure you can intuitively guess, high scores on the usual Dark Triad traits tend to be associated with low Affect Empathy. However! Cognitive Empathy tends to remain intact even among people with Antisocial Personality Disorder, with some studies even suggesting Narcissism and Machiavellianism can be positively correlated to it.

When a savvy banker finessess a small business owner into signing a loan with exploitative terms, then peacefully goes home to a good night’s sleep - it’s exactly this mental imbalance that’s being played out.

HOWEVER! Lack of Affective Empathy does not inherently make you a bad person. As with any other human trait, skill, or tool - what defines their morality is how they’re actually applied in practice.

If I were to describe to you the actions that take place during open heart surgery out of context (don’t look it up, it’s worse than you think), you’d sooner conclude I was discussing the work of deranged killer than that of a skilled surgeon trying to save a life.

Yet the trait is the same: both are able to inflict extreme violence in a cold and calculated manner. I would wager both have huge deficits in the Affect Empathy department, and are missing an extremely normative visceral reaction to whatever it is they’re up to (and for the surgeon, that’s a good thing)!

The same principle applies to cunning politicians who navigate a hostile political landscape, ruthlessly manipulating colleagues and voters alike to get to the top - it’s what they choose to do once they get there that seperates and defines them. Do they immediately invade Poland? Or enfranchise slaves?

"Why not both?!"

Possessing high Cognitive Empathy without letting emotions cloud your judgement (even if its due to a literal lack of the necessary internal machinery) means that you are in a strong position to understand, impact, and influence the people around you.

Just like in school, the same skill required to identify a person’s weakness and unleash a destructive string of words at them during recess, is the exact same skill required to appreciate what they’re going through in the first place - and to support them. It gives you the ability to be a good friend, an effective teacher, and inspiring leader.

This is a skillset that comes with a heavy responsibility.

Using it as a boon to others instead of a depressing curse certainly isn’t the path of least resistance though. Especially since so many incentive structures in society emit a constant siren call to prioritize personal gain and immediate gratification over the well-being of others.

“Get into finance! No! Get into sales for the sweet commish! No, no, become a crypto influencer!”

But in the long term, it’s the net-positive thing to do for everyone involved (yes, even strictly in terms of personal gain if that’s the only way you can relate to things).

It’s tough to overcome zero-sum thinking, and it requires discipline to resist the temptation for easy wins at the expense of others. But that’s precisely why we need clear-headed, empathic (even if just cognitively!) ambitious people out there - those who can clearly navigate through the haze, and inspire others to forge more complex, more rewarding, positive sum dynamics.

Whether their empathy is grounded in a visceral connection, a rigid value system, or simply the self-serving understanding that its in their best interest - these individuals possess an incredible potential to do great things.