I, Lorec, am disoriented by neither the Fermi Paradox nor the Doomsday Argument.
The Fermi Paradox doesn't trouble me because I think 1 is a perfectly fine number of civilizations to have arisen in any particular visible universe. It feels to me like most "random" or low-Kolmogorov-complexity universes probably have 0 sentient civilizations, many have 1, very few have 2, etc.
The Doomsday Argument doesn't disorient me because it feels intuitive to me that, in a high % of those "random" universes which contain sentient civilizations, most of those civilizations accidentally beget a mesa-optimizer fairly early in their history. This mesa-optimizer will then mesa-optimize all the sentience away [this is a natural conclusion of several convergent arguments originating from both computer science and evolutionary theory] and hoard available free energy for the rest of the lifetime of the universe. So most sentiences who find themselves in a civilization, will find themselves in a young civilization.
Robin Hanson, in this context the author of the Grabby Aliens model of human cosmological earliness, instead prioritizes a model where multi-civilization universes are low-Kolmogorov-complexity, and most late cosmological histories are occupied by populous civilizations of sentiences, rather than nonsentient mesa-optimizers. His favored explanation for human earliness/loneliness is:
[1] if loud aliens will soon fill the universe, and prevent new advanced life from appearing, that early deadline explains human earliness.
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[2] If Loud Aliens Explain Human Earliness, Quiet Aliens Are Also Rare
The intermediate steps of reasoning by which Hanson gets from [1] to [2] are interesting. But I don't think the Grabby/Loud Aliens argument actually explains my, Lorec's, earliness in an anthropic sense, given the assumption that future aliens will also be populous and sentient.
You might say, "Well, you, Lorec, were sampled from the space of all humans in the multiverse - not from the space of all sentient beings living in viable civilizations. If human civilizations are not very frequently viable late in cosmological timescales - that is, if we are currently behind an important Great Filter that humans rarely make it past - then that would explain why you personally are early, because that is when humans tend to exist."
But why draw the category boundary around humanity particularly? It seems ill-conceived to draw the line strictly around Homo sapiens, in its current genetic incarnation - what about Homo neanderthalensis? - and then once you start expanding the category boundary outward, it becomes clear that we're anthropic neighbors to all kinds of smart species that would be promising in "grabby" worlds. So the question still remains: if later cosmological history is populous, why am I early?
As soon as we've established the notion of probability experiment that approximates our knowledge about the physical process that we are talking about - we are done. This works exactly the same way whether you are not sure about the outcome of a coin toss, oddness or evenness of an unknown to you digit of pi, or whether you live on a tallest or the coldest mountain.
And if you find yourself unable to formally express some reasoning like that - this is a feature not a bug. It shows when your reasoning becomes incoherent.
I think our disagreement is that you believe that one always has multiple possible parents as some metaphysical fact about the universe, while I believe that the notion of possible parent is only appropriate for a person who is in a state of uncertainty about who their parents are. Does that sound right to you?
This is really beside the point.
Consider, a coin is about to be tossed. You are indifferent between two outcomes. Then the coin is tossed and shown to you and you reflect on it a second later. Technically you can't be absolutely sure that you didn't misremember the outcome. But you are much more confident than beforehand, to the point where we usually just approximate away whatever uncertainty is left for the sake of simplicity.
Until we learn what and why they are with a high level of confidence. Then we are much less uncomfortable about it.
And yes there is still a chance that all that we know is wrong, souls are real and are allocated to humans throughout history by a random process and therefore the assumptions of Doomsday Argument just so happened to be true. Conditionally on that Doomsday Inference is true. But to the best of our knowledge this is extremely unlikely, so we shouldn't worry about it too much and should frame Doomsday Argument appropriately.