So my friends told me that they think I was being defeatist and not trying the best I could to do what I said I want to do.
So I shrugged, Akrasia, am I right? And take on more work toward my professed goals.
Almost immediately, I meet severe internal resistance. A general sense of vague fatigue and tiredness, running out of spoons.
I reported this to my friends who continue to believe that I was standing in my own way to success.
I shrugged, inside-outside views time, I trust my friend's rational ability as much as mine, and if I look from the outside as if I am shirking it, how likely is it that I actually am?
I continue the intensified schedule until I got heartburn, which I assume to be from the stress since I haven't changed eating habit. I took it to mean that the intensified schedule is unsustainable long term.
eh have to try it to know it.
Looking back, however, it struck me how easy it is to explain to my friends that I am already at the limit by citing stress-induced heartburn compare to a vague sense of fatigue and tiredness, an insufficiency of spoons.
I would assume that it is better for me to stop before actual stress-induced anything happened since they would also sap at the already depleted willpower, take time to heal, and bad for health. But I also want my friends to spur me on when I appear to be slacking, social motivation is a thing you know?
The question is: is there any way I can signal "I am at my limit" without having to wait for my body to actually break down and report that?
[related "pain is not the unit of effort" and "pain is the unit of effort"]
a few solutions:
- I can report "heartburn" without actually having heartburn just to signal my limit. I don't like this because it makes it hard for my friends to coordinate with me. I am saying untrue things for the sake of signaling, this is the path down the maze [or up the simulacra levels]. If my friends found out [and they probably would since I am a crappy liar], it would be very hard to communicate with them again.
- I can do something else to signal my limit. e.g. "I am going to donate 500 bucks to X charity to prove what I am saying is at least that important". I am not sure it proves anything.
Unrelated, I am also wondering if I am teaching my body some bad habits, [i.e. body see: stress->report breakdown->stress goes away. body learns to report breakdown when stress regardless of breakdown]. I am also wondering if I should view my body so adversarially.
You can say:
"My body's telling me I'm stressed."
"My body's telling me this isn't sustainable."
"My body's telling me no."
Internal experience is very important for things like this. Citing it is a valid response, and your friends ought to respect that, even in an "ask culture" where they are welcome to push you and ask hard questions.
Personal effort does generate stress (sometimes distress, sometimes eustress). Although a doctor can use crude tools like e.g. checking your blood pressure, you have a much more sensitive ability to understand your body and stress level than anyone else. Most of us have less of that ability than would be ideal, so we should value and cultivate what we do have.
That said, "this is stressful/unsustainable" doesn't mean that it was a bad idea to give that thing a try. Like you said, "have to try it to know it." Nor does it necessarily mean that it would continue to be equally stressful/unsustainable if you were to continue. New routines come with a transaction cost of added stress. Sometimes if you can get over that hump, it gets better. Sometimes not.
Even "my body is telling me no" about something that would not in fact get easier with practice doesn't necessarily mean that your productivity is capped at that level. It just means your "working harder" is capped at that level, currently. "Working smarter" is sometimes an option. And your personal budget for stress will wax and wane depending on outside factors. E.g. sleep, nutrition, security, social affirmation, etc. We are still in a pandemic, and many coping methods for replenishing ourselves have been unavailable for a long time. So maybe now just isn't the time.
I think it was good that you listened to your body, and good that you're asking these questions about the value and nature of personal experience and how to communicate it.
this makes sense, but I am also in the reverse position where I saw a friend heading down a destructive path where he is constantly complaining about his current situation and also claim that he is at the limit of will power to change [even before the covid thing].
I am at a loss as to how I should evaluate his statement to determine my action. i.e. should I take his statement at face value and let him arrange his own life to suit his limited capacity or should I push him to change despite his statement otherwise?
in short, I found it hard to determine if other people actually hit their limit or not.