I enjoyed reading Duncan_Sabien's post, Basics of Rationalist Discourse, as well as the response posts and comments. The guidelines probably wouldn't have made sense to my beginner-self though, so I wanted to try creating a list that is more targeted at beginners. In that sense, this is more of a...
Epistemic status: Just a pattern I've observed from my own learning experiences and advice I've encountered about learning. I am not qualified and the essay is not properly justified - it's meant to be more like a source of ideas on things to try[1]. I would be happy to work...
I liked this for the idea that fear of scarcity can drive "unreasonable" behaviors. This helps me better understand why others may behave in "undesirable" ways and provides a more productive way of addressing the problem than blaming them for being e.g. selfish. This also provides a more enjoyable way of changing my behaviors. Instead of being annoyed with myself for e.g. being too scared to talk to people, I look out for tiny accomplishments (e.g. speaking up when someone got my order wrong) and the benefits it brings (e.g. getting what I wanted to order), to show myself that I am capable. The more capable I feel, the less afraid I am of the world.
This essay had a significant influence on my growth in the past two years. I shifted from perceiving discomfort as something I am subject to, to considering my relationship with discomfort as an object that can be managed. There are many other writings and experiences that contributed to this growth, but this was the first piece I encountered that talked about managing our relationship with hazards as a thing we can manipulate and improve at. It made me wonder why all human activity may be considered running in the meadow and why contracting may be bad, it showed me how dangers can be mitigated through clearer communication of boundaries, it made me... (read 1464 more words →)
I used to deal with disappointment by minimizing it (e.g. it's not that important) or consoling myself (e.g. we'll do better next time). After reading this piece, I think to myself "disappointment is baby grief".
Loss is a part of life, whether that is loss of something concrete/"real" or something that we imagined or hoped for. Disappointment is an opportunity to practice dealing with loss, so that I will be ready for the inevitable major losses in the future. I am sad because I did not get what I'd wanted or hoped for, and that is okay.
Hmm interesting. I agree that there is a difference between a claim about an individual's experience, and a claim about reality. The former is about a perception of reality, whereas the latter is about reality itself. In that case, I see why you would object to the paraphrasing—it changes the original statement into a weaker claim.
I also agree that it is important to be able to make claims about reality, including other people's statements. After all, people's statements are also part of our reality, so we need to be able to discuss and reason about it.
I suppose what I disagree with thus that the original statement is valid as a claim about... (read 431 more words →)
I'm curious, what do you think of these options?
Original: "I find your stated reason bizarre to the point where I can’t form any coherent model of your thinking here."
New version 1: "I can't form any coherent model of your thinking here."
New version 2: "I don't understand your stated reason at all."
New version 3: Omit that sentence.
These shift the sentence from a judgment on Duncan's reasoning to a sharing of Said's own experience, which (for me, at least) removes the unnecessary/escalatory part of the insult.
I'm very confused, how do you tell if someone is genuinely misunderstanding or deliberately misunderstanding a post?
The author can say that a reader's post is an inaccurate representation of the author's ideas, but how can the author possibly read the reader's mind and conclude that the reader is doing it on purpose? Isn't that a claim that requires exceptional evidence?
Accusing someone of strawmanning is hurtful if false, and it shuts down conversations because it pre-emptively casts the reader in an adverserial role. Judging people based on their intent is also dangerous, because it is near-unknowable, which means that judgments are more likely to be influenced by factors other than truth. It won't... (read more)
Still trying to figure out/articulate the differences between the two frames, because it feels like people are talking past each other. Not confident and imprecise, but this is what I have so far:
Said-like frame (truth seeking as a primarily individual endeavor)
It feels like an argument between a couple where person A says "You don't love me, you never tell me 'I love you' when I say it to you." and the person B responds "What do you mean I don't love you? I make you breakfast every morning even though I hate waking up early!". If both parties insist that their love language is the only valid way of showing love, there is no way for this conflict to be addressed.
Maybe the person B believes actions speak louder than words and that saying "I love you" is pointless because people can say that even when they don't mean it And perhaps person... (read 2038 more words →)
Right now it feels like it's an either/or choice between criticism and construction, which puts them in direct opposition, but I don't think they're necessarily in conflict with each other.
After all, criticism that acknowledges the constraints and nuances of the context is more meaningful than criticism that is shallow and superficial, and criticism that highlights a new perspective or suggests a better alternative is more useful than criticism that only points out flaws. In a sense, it's not that there's too much criticism and not enough of contributions, it's that we want critiques that are of higher standards.
Maybe instead of trying to figure out how to determine the right amounts of criticism... (read more)
I enjoyed reading Duncan_Sabien's post, Basics of Rationalist Discourse, as well as the response posts and comments. The guidelines probably wouldn't have made sense to my beginner-self though, so I wanted to try creating a list that is more targeted at beginners. In that sense, this is more of a complement to the other pieces than an alternate take.
I am not really sure if I've captured everything important, and I don't really like the "Other notes" section because it feels randomly put together. What I'm most curious about is whether taking this approach can help address some of the criticisms of the original post. I've added some of my thinking behind this... (read 1429 more words →)
Epistemic status: Just a pattern I've observed from my own learning experiences and advice I've encountered about learning. I am not qualified and the essay is not properly justified - it's meant to be more like a source of ideas on things to try[1]. I would be happy to work on this further if there is interest.
When I think about my own learning experiences and the various studying techniques, advice on how to learn better, or methods to improve faster at skills, I observe some commonalities - it seems like most advice can be interpreted as ways to improve our feedback loops in learning[2].
In this essay, I will be describing the key... (read 4878 more words →)
This is an important distinction, otherwise you risk getting into unproductive discussions about someone's intent instead of focusing on whether a person's patterns are compatible with your or your group/community's needs.
It doesn't matter if someone was negligent or malicious: if they are bad at reading your nonverbal cues and you are bad at explicitly saying no to boundary crossing behaviors, you are incompatible and that is reason enough to end the relationship. It doesn't matter if someone is trying their best: if their best is still disruptive to your team, that is reason enough to request they be transferred out.
I can't remember if this essay is where I learned this concept. But remembering this distinction protected me in meaningful ways at least twice.