Serpent-Stare

Also I'd like to comment that the "Do I look fat in this" question is an example I quite like. It's a fantastic example of the sort of question that has a stereotypical negative response so strong that many people will just assume, even the first time, that you don't ever say yes to that question.

And also, I had an ex boyfriend that I got to participate with me in an exercise to help me get over my own fat shame. I asked him outright to call me fat, and to do it with a smile so that I could practice associating "fat" with anything other than ugly and shameful. He agreed,... (read more)

Replying toHonest Friends Don't Tell Comforting Lies

It is very much validation seeking. The point I'm trying to make is that the validation I get in response needs, itself, to be valid or it won't do anything for me, because I am very, very good at seeing reasons why comforting words might be said in order to comfort me even if they are false. The truth, however, is entangled with reality. There should be evidence to support it. I would rather be given reassurance that includes references to the evidence. A lot of the time, I'm freaking out partly because I have temporarily forgotten about the evidence that supports confidence and trust.

Once, I went on a gondola ride at... (read more)

Replying toHonest Friends Don't Tell Comforting Lies

There is a degree to which this is absolutely the case. You read me as an anxious person, to irritating degrees, and it's quite true. This is a monkey that's been on my back since I was a toddler and I've been wrestling with it for many years. Recently, I seem to be winning much more often, I am grateful to report.

There's a weird fine line in the middle of the whole idea of caring about what other people think, and it kind of bothers me that to the best of my knowledge we don't have two seperate words for the different sides.

On the one side, there is the tendency to overreact.... (read more)

Replying toHonest Friends Don't Tell Comforting Lies

Yes. Those are very good examples of the sort of thing that would, in most cases, bring some comfort to my brain and an awkward, self-conscious smile to my face, because I had been being 'silly'. They give me a look into someone else's perspective that sounds believable and real to me in a way that "no, everything's fine" doesn't.

Replying toHonest Friends Don't Tell Comforting Lies

Oh, absolutely. That's why I work so hard to try to reward those people I can trust to tell me the truth. To mitigate all the messages of high-stress that I can't help but put out when I encounter something unexpected and distressing as well as I know how; asking for a moment to decompress, using distractions to calm down until I can deal with it more directly, and all-importantly remembering to thank and affirm the behaviour even when it's stressing me out, and afterwards at other times when it isn't. I say things like "it's important that you're able to talk to me about these things" and "it would be so... (read more)

Mitigate the Loss; Fight for the Living

I originally wrote this blog post on a night when I counselled my friends to stop counting the deaths that occured every second while they were unable to stop them. I prefaced my advice by telling them I understood that they wouldn't have wanted to hear any comfort that could be destroyed by the truth... So I wouldn't bother with empty promises that it would all be okay. I set out to offer a reassurance that would not be destroyed by the truth, because it was the truth. That truth is laid out in A Different Prisoner's Dilemma, and my friends may not have taken me seriously if not for the fact... (read 1387 more words →)

A Different Prisoner's Dilemma

This post is an addendum to A Different Prisoner's Dilemma. It is another scenario with which to demonstrate the point.

Imagine that you are a person in a horrible and traumatic situation. The love of your life, the parent of your children, has been burned to death, deliberately. Capital punishment, imposed by a culture that believes some sins are so horrible that they demand this gruesome torture to balance the scales. The whole future you dreamed of having together has gone up in flames, and you are sick with grief and loss and pain.

Some people would be tempted to fling themselves into the flames as well. You probably do think of it,... (read 728 more words →)

I originally composed most of this post out of the things I said while counselling some dear friends of mine who were driving themselves into a panic spiral thinking about the approximately 1.7 people who were dying every second, and feeling responsible even though there was nothing they could do, at that time, to save them. I posted it to my personal blog, but decided to share it here as well, hoping that it contributes to the dicussion, and may help some other sensitive people to preserve themselves against despair, for the good of the future.

There is a certain kind of person who notices that the world is full of suffering, and... (read 1324 more words →)

Replying toA Test of Faith

A Test of Faith

It turns out, the question of what I will believe now came up much sooner than anticipated, and I have a long written follow-up to report. If it seems that this would stand better as its own post, tell me.

After school today, I stopped at home briefly to empty my backpack and then head out to the grocery store in order to pick up some drinks, and in order to take the time to walk and think. My friend had confessed to me that they were caught in an anxiety spiral, fearing that they might be a burden on me by tending to approach me when they were in need of help,... (read 1559 more words →)

A Test of Faith

A personal, experiential response to: Avoiding Your Belief's Real Weak Points, by Eleizer Yudkowsky.

I wrote the following article in order to help me express and process and eventually publish my thoughts, while setting myself to accept the challenge posed in Eleizer's post, which I had just reached in the official podcast of Rationality: AI to Zombies:

To do better: When you’re doubting one of your most cherished beliefs, close your eyes, empty your mind, grit your teeth, and deliberately think about whatever hurts the most.

Wishing to become stronger, I tried to ask the unasked question. Find a reason that, even if I do not generally acknowledge it as a reason of my... (read 2033 more words →)

Replying toA Test of Faith

A Test of Faith

I would also like to thank Eneasz Brodski, without whose wonderful podcast project of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality and other selected works, I don't think I would have come across "The Sword of Good".

Replying toHero Licensing