Crossposted from Optimized Dating.
Imagine you want to improve your performance at some task, hobby or a job. You get offered a choice of two courses:
Course A is really vague and undefined, with no clear program. You don't get graded on your performance, but it's broadcasted to your community so everyone can silently judge you every time you fail. Your early choices are locked in, and you can't radically change your approach without raising many eyebrows. And it's long.
Course B, in contrast, offers clear performance indicators, tight feedback loops and sensible intermediate milestones. You wouldn't become a master on day 1, but you get told what are you doing wrong and what do... (read 1024 more words →)
I often do physical escalation on online dates with minimal or no alcohol (as a straight man). In my experience, the way it happens is not her "matching" or "climbing" the ladder with me, but rather "approving" or "disapproving" of my moves. If I sense she's disapproving, I stop, and if she seems to passively approve, I slowly escalate further. In many cases, this leads all the way to the top of the ladder without a single active move on her part.
So, your read of "women do not respond to mild escalation with mild escalation" is often correct, but they do notice and climb it as a receptive participant. The active climber just needs to give something to be receptive to.