polymathwannabe

I've been wanting to post this for a while, but it always felt too embarrassing. I've contributed next to nothing to this community, and I'm sure you have better problems to work on than my third-of-life crisis. However, the kind of problems I'm facing may require more brainpower than my meatspace friends can muster. Here I go. I live in Colombia, where your connections have more weight than your talent. But I'm not sure about my talent anymore. Until I finished high school I had always been a stellar student and everyone told me I was headed for a great future. Then I represented my province in a national spelling contest and had my first contact with an actual city and with other students who were as smart as me. After the contest ended, I tried to maneuver my parents into letting me stay at the city, but they would have none of it. After an unabashedly overextended stay with my aunts, I eventually was sent back to the small pond. My parents and I disagreed seriously about my choice of career, primarily in that they took for granted that the choice wasn't even mine. Because my older brother appeared to have happily accepted his assigned path in business management, I was forced to do the same, even though it held absolutely no interest for me. But I wasn't very sure myself about what exactly I wanted, so I wasn't able to effectively defend my opposition. Another factor was that in the late 1990s the Colombian army was still allowed to recruit minors, and it's a compulsory draft, and the only legal way to avoid it was to be studying something---anything. My brother did spend one year at the army, but at least the entire family agreed that I would break if sent there. No other options were explored. With my school scores I might have obtained a scholarship, but I didn't know how to do it, whom to ask. My parents held complete control over my life. So began the worst eight years of my life. Eight because the only university my parents could afford was terribly mis