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Religions can be divided into proselytizing religions (e.g. Mormons) who are supposed to recruit new members, and non-proselytizing religions (e.g. Orthodox Jews) who are the opposite. Zen Buddhism is a non-proselytizing religion, which makes me a bad Buddhist, because I've dragged three other people to my Zendo so far. All three had a great experience. One has become a regular, and another will return someday.

I didn't sell them on meditation. All three were already sold on meditation. One of them was a Sam Harris Waking Up fan, and another one is really into the Bhagavad Gita.

The Sam Harris fan's name is Rowan. Rowan is gay, and grew up in a rural evangelical Christian family. I haven't pressed him for details, but that can't have gone well. You may reasonably deduce that Rowan has a bad history with religion. But he has all the human instincts that respond positively to healthy rituals. Consequently, Rowan loves psudo-religious rituals and (until I brought him to Zendo) frequently complained to me that modern secular life doesn't have enough rituals.

Was this enough for me to drag him to Zendo? Nope.

What happened next is that Rowan and I were hanging out and he was talking to me about his therapist. Rowan's therapist had recommended that Rowan do some meditation. Rowan followed his therapist's meditation instructions.

Rowan tells me this not knowing that I attend a Rinzai Zen practice center 10 minutes from his home.

I ask Rowan if he'd like to visit my Rinzai Zen practice center.

Rowan asks me, "Why?"

I don't remember the exact words I used, but here is the gist of them. "The stuff your therapist is teaching you is derived from Asian mystical practices, except it has been watered down and purged of anything offending modern Western sensibilities. Your therapist is not a monk. Your therapist is not a yogi. I'm sure your therapist is a great therapist, but your therapist has not personally taken the mystic path to its logical and inevitable conclusion. Do you want the homeopathic version of meditation, or do you want the walk the road that Jesus, Mohammad and Siddhartha once did? Do you like your kombucha, or do you want to drink ethanol from a MiG-25 coolant system, like God intended?"

Rowan: "I am intrigued."

"Go to 1733 S Horton St on Tuesday at 7:30 pm. Do not be late. If you're even slightly late, turn around, go home, and come back next week. Bring $5 cash voluntary donation. When you enter the facility, immediately remove your shoes and socks. Everything else will be explained to you."

Rowan: "Will you be there?"

Me: "No. That's the beginner class. Ping me if you'd like to join me for 1 hour+ of chanting, bowing, and sitting in silence."

When Rowan arrived at Zendo, there were no other students. It was just him and the teacher talking together for one hour. The teacher in question is gay too and has the affect of the laughing buddha.

I didn't have to say another word.

Later, Rowan told me that it was like nothing he had ever seen before.

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Not sure if my terminology is correct here - I'm talking about doing the meditation/mental-action process itself. You know, the one which causes you tons of positive valence in a way you like but don't want.

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Maybe this is the right place to ask/discuss this, and maybe not - if it's not; say so and I'll stop.

IIRC you (or maybe someone once mentioned hearing about people who try to [experience the first jhana][1] and then feeling pain as a result, and that you didn't really understand why that happened. There was maybe also a comment about "don't do that, that sounds like you were doing it wrong".

After some time spent prodding at myself and pulling threads and seeing where they lead... I am not convinced that they were doing it wrong at all. There's a kind of way you can end up where the application of that kind of comfort/pleasure/positive-valence is, of itself, painful/aversive/immiserating, if not necessarily enduringly so. Reframing it 

I don't have a full explicit model for it, so here's some metaphors that hopefully collectively shed light:

  • Hunger beyond reason, hunger for weeks, hunger to the point of starvation. A rich and lavish meal set before you, of all your favorite foods and drinks, prepared expertly. A first bite - overwhelming; so perfect and so intense. You toy with the idea of eating nothing more and find you can neither eat nor decline - at least not comfortably. You gorge yourself and die of refeeding syndrome.
  • Dreams of your childhood home, of the forests around it, of the sparkling beauty of the night sky. The building was knocked down years ago, the forest cut, the sky bleached with light pollution, all long after you moved away anyway.
  • Like the itch/pain of a healing wound, or of a limb fallen asleep, or an amputated limb. Like internal screaming or weeping, suddenly given voice.
  • Like staring at something dazzlingly bright and incomparably precious, even coveted; especially one that you can't touch or even reach - a sapphire the size of your fist, say, or the sun. What would you even do with those, really, if you could grab them?
  1. ^

    Not sure if my terminology is correct here - I'm talking about doing the meditation/mental-action process itself. You know, the one which causes you tons of positive valence in a way you like but don't want.

I feel like this is the wrong place for your comment. Your comment is a response to a claim someone (maybe me) made at a place on the Internet other than this blog post. I believe that other place is where your comment should be.

Got it, thanks. I'll see if I can figure out who that was or where to find that claim. Cheers.